Secrets

While I sat alone in the dark last night and all I could hear was the air that came out from the fan in my room. My heart burden with thoughts that will at any time now explode into what I call uncontrollable pain.

I am living with secrets that only I understand how it eats me inside.  There are times that I wish things were different but I guess this is my life now and I have to deal with it. Having fewer options to choose from and making the best of what you have got. It is not an easy thing to go through; painful moments while those close to you try to make you speak up about them whereas you know that letting the cat out of the bag will only bring more hurt to you and the ones that care about you. The fear of being judged or criticized is just too much to handle and the one person that may not judge you after all is God.

I blame myself sometimes because that which haunts me was brought about by me and me alone and It is my burden, my cross and for the sake of peace and fear of rejection. My secrets are safe with me and me alone.